My Stance on the Ribbon Petition

I haven't found an official story online, but it appears that the breast cancer community is considering changing their ribbon color from pink to pink and blue to include men. There is a petition circulating around Facebook to ban the use of pink and blue awareness ribbons by the Breast Cancer community. Supporters of the petition feel that Breast Cancer Awareness overshadows P.A.I.L. Awareness (both are officially recognized in October) and that sharing a ribbon color will only make it worse.

While I completely and wholeheartedly understand that many of us in the babyloss community feel like we do not get the attention that other communities get, I don't really see how colors of a ribbon will make any difference. In my opinion, the reason why it's so difficult to raise P.A.I.L. Awareness has nothing to do with the fact that our ribbon colors are pink and blue or that we share October with Breast Cancer Awareness.

The unfortunate reality is that the loss of a baby is a topic that most people feel uncomfortable talking about. On top of that, it's difficult for people to understand or sympathize if they have not experienced the loss of a baby. Many people don't feel like they are supposed to talk about babyloss, not because they are cruel or insensitive, but because they don't believe it's an appropriate topic of conversation. None of this is the fault of the breast cancer community.

I've never had cancer, but I know that I don't ever want it. I know that it destroys lives and I know that it kills way too many people every year. I also know that funding for cancer research has saved countless lives and that it may one day save my life or the life of someone I care about. I read recently that 50% of Americans will be diagnosed with cancer at some point during their lives. With research and treatment, many of those people will survive and one day in the future there may even be a cure for this terrible disease. Breast Cancer Awareness campaigns raise millions of dollars every year. The money is being used to find that cure.

I think it would be an incredible gesture of kindness and acceptance to change the Breast Cancer Awareness ribbon color to make men feel more included. I also think it would help save lives. There are many men out there who don't get screened for breast cancer or don't think much of a small lump in their chest because they don't know that they are also at risk of getting breast cancer. Over 2000 men are diagnosed with breast cancer every year in the United States. I know that doesn't compare to 26,000 stillbirths or 600,000 miscarriages but just like men are often overlooked in the babyloss community, I can see why they may feel left out in the breast cancer community.

Before signing the petition, please consider how hurtful it would be if something similar happened to us. What if the babyloss community decided to change our ribbon color in order to include those who feel left out and another community distributed a petition that made us seem like we were doing something wrong? Wouldn't that feel like they were being insensitive or naive? Wouldn't that make us hurt more than we already do? Wouldn't we feel like telling them to mind their own business? Wouldn't we think, what's the big deal? It's just a ribbon color.

I'm sorry if any of you feel upset by my opinion of this matter. I don't ever want to cause anyone additional grief. If you want to sign the petition because you feel strongly about P.A.I.L. Awareness ribbon colors and if you think it will make you feel better, then by all means I think you should. Truly, I do. Everyone grieves differently and I think everyone should do what feels healing to them.

But just keep in mind that you don't need a ribbon or a color or even a community to spread P.A.I.L. Awareness. You can do so every single day in little ways. You can share you baby's story with others. Speak her name. Include him in your daily life. Donate to charity in her name. Take the time to educate someone else on babyloss. Support films and organizations whose missions are to raise P.A.I.L. awareness. Participate in a Walk to Remember. Perform random acts of kindness in memory of your child. Do what you can to eliminate the taboo of babyloss. Focus your time and energy on keeping your child's memory alive in your heart and the hearts of others. And remember that just as you miss your baby, someone else misses their loved one lost to breast cancer.

The Change

I had an unexpected epiphany the other day. I don't know why I never realized it before, but somehow over the course of the past 13 months, I lost my BLM rookie status. I'm no longer the newly bereaved mama who lost her baby a couple months ago or the person who cries uncontrollably everyday, crippled by grief. I'm no longer the newcomer in an unfamiliar land, too frightened to move forward, too lost to find my way.

Lately, I've noticed a lot of new babyloss blogs and ministries have been created and it seems like the internet is full of heartbreaking stories of recent losses. Reading these stories makes my loss feel so distant, like it occurred ages ago. I've become so used to seeing 2011 and 2012 loss dates that I'm slightly taken aback whenever I see a 2013 loss date. I guess I just naturally associate babyloss with the year 2012 because that's the year when my loss occurred. Because of this, I never really gave much thought to the fact that 2013 would sadly be for many, what 2012 was for me.

This shift is a change I never thought much about. I know that sadly, not a day goes by where babies are not lost. I'm aware that pregnancy and infant loss is something that occurs every minute of everyday. I guess I just didn't realize how much time has an effect on where we reside in the babyloss community. I'm finding it difficult to describe what this change is like. It feels a little bit like returning to high school as a sophomore and watching the new freshmen class curiously wander the hallways where I've already roamed for an entire year. Seeing them makes me realize how far I've come in a year, but it also reminds me of what I was like when I first got here.

Honestly, there are days when it's just too painful to think about the past. To allow myself to reflect on the days following Gabriel's death when I cried so much that my face physically hurt. It's difficult to think about how depressed I once felt, how confused I once was, how weak and scared I used to be. But knowing that I survived and seeing how far I've come gives me hope for the future and wisdom to help others.

Even though I will always be grateful for the strength that I gained and the lessons that I learned when I was a timid newcomer in this strange new land, I feel so blessed to have come so far, to be able to leave part of the pain in the past, to lead where I once followed and to look back and see where once I was too fearful to take one step, I have now taken thousands. Where once I walked around aimlessly, I have now found a purpose in this journey and a reason to keep going.

Stillborn and Still Breathing

I just wanted to post a little thank you to my friend Lindsey who recently interviewed me for her new blog series, Inspirational Bereaved Parents. Lindsey is the beautiful BLM who runs the website, White Signs of Grief in honor of her sweet little girl, Nora. She also has a really amazing and beautiful blog called Stillborn and Still Breathing. Lindsey writes quite a bit about grief and healing and her blog offers a lot of helpful advice for healing after the loss of a baby. I hope when you get a chance, you’ll visit her blog... I think you'll find her writing to be very honest, thoughtful and encouraging. 

Thoughts on Father's Day

Today, in honor of Father's Day, I'd like to recognize all bereaved fathers and also acknowledge everyone for whom this day causes pain and sorrow:

~If you're a bereaved father who has living children, today is probably bittersweet as you give thanks for the children you have here and grieve for the one who is missing. I'm sure it's crossed your mind more than once that today would be perfect if only you could hold all of your children in your arms.

~If you're a father who has no living children, today is likely to be extremely difficult. It's yet another reminder of what so many people get to celebrate, but for unknown reasons, you don't. Today is a day that most people don't believe belongs to you because your child has died. It's so painful to know that you and your child are not recognized as you should be. I hope that you know in your heart that you are an amazing father.

~If you're a bereaved mother who loves and cares for her children's father, today is hard for you too. It feels so unfair that your family has been devastated by the loss of a child and that the man you love does not get to watch his child grow up. I know what it feels like to wish you could take away his suffering, not just today but every single day.

~If you're a bereaved mother and the father of your baby is no longer a part of your life, either because he walked away from you or because he has joined your baby in Heaven, days like today are sure to be a source of heartache. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to see your friends who have loving husbands or partners to lean on for support and comfort. I am so sorry if you are feeling lonely or hurt today.

~If you're a bereaved parent who has lost their father, Father's Day is spent missing not just your child, but also a beloved parent. I wish you had both your child and your father here with you and I hope it brings you comfort to imagine that they are together in a beautiful place.

~If you're a father who has no children because you are struggling with infertility or failed adoption, today is such a devastating reminder that yet another childless year has gone by. Nobody deserves to be on the emotional roller coaster that you are on. I pray that one day, Father's Day will be a day to celebrate all that you have overcome on your journey to a child.

No matter who you are or what your circumstances may be, if you've lost a child, Father's Day is likely to be a source of grief. It's hard for all bereaved mothers and all bereaved fathers, but I feel like it's an especially painful day for those fathers who have no living children to hold.

Those fathers won't be receiving any gifts made out of finger paint or macaroni today. They won't be wished a "Happy Father's Day" by most people, even though they are fathers and deserve to be acknowledged as such. They don't know, but desperately want to know what it's like to spoil a little girl or teach a son how to throw a football.

These special fathers and all other bereaved fathers truly deserve to be honored and appreciated today. Even though we may not be able to see some of all of their children, we can clearly see the love they have for them.

This Father's Day, I'd like to send my love and gratitude to all fathers - those with their children here on earth, those who hold their children in their hearts, and those who are struggling to bring a child into their home. This day is not just for honoring the love you have for your children but also for celebrating the love your children and family have for you. I hope that no matter what you've been through or how difficult life gets, that you will always feel deeply loved.

And last but not least, I'd like to send a very special "Happy Father's Day" to the two best fathers I know...

...My own dad who has always been an irreplaceable source of unconditional love and support. I admire him so much for his strength, devotion, wisdom, honesty and passion for life. I am truly lucky to have the best father imaginable.

...And of course, Gabriel's daddy, who hasn't left my side since the day we met. I am so grateful to have the most amazing husband who makes me laugh and lets me cry, who often sets aside his own grief to help me with mine, and who supports me even when it would be so much easier not to. Even though I can't give Gabriel the life he deserves here on earth, it's such a tremendous blessing to know that he has the greatest gift of all... the most loving and caring daddy in the world.

Celebrating the Still Project Anniversary

Last week, Carrie and Jonathan from The Still Project posted an invitation on their Facebook page to join them for The Still Project's 1st Birthday Celebration in Rancho Palos Verdes on June 9th. Since RPV is so close to our house, my husband and I decided to go and show our support for The Still Project.

The gathering was held by the grave of Carrie and Jonathan's daughter, Elena, located in the Babyland section of the cemetery. It was a beautiful, quiet and peaceful location. We all sat on blankets in a circle and all of the conversation was really casual and informal. During our time there, we learned a little more about their documentary, as well as the film, Return to Zero. We also had the chance to talk about Gabriel and our experience with babyloss.     

I'm really glad that we had this opportunity to get to know Carrie and Jonathan. It was such an inspiration to see firsthand, the passion they have for their film and for breaking the silence surrounding pregnancy and infant loss. I really think this documentary will be amazing and I'm so eager to see the impact it will have on society and the babyloss community, especially those who feel silenced after the loss of a baby.

Babyland, Green Hills Memorial Park Cemetery

a photo of everyone

another photo of the gathering

Carrie, Jonathan, another babyloss couple, and us

Still Standing

Oftentimes, when I pause to think about where I am in my life, it all feels so surreal.

Did I really lose a baby last year? Was he real? Am I really that person? How did things take such a turn for the worse so quickly?

I'm not sure if it's been a really long or a really short amount of time, but I see that a change has occurred in me and in the world that most closely encompasses me. 

In certain ways, my life is harder. It's impossible some days. My heart is broken and my once dependable world has now become unbearably fragile. I miss my son. I would do anything to have him here with me. I want to be a mother to a living baby instead of an angel baby. I want things to be as they were supposed to be. I want a chance to start over and get it right. 

But then there's part of me that embraces this tragedy in a strange inexplicable way. Because of this experience, I am a stronger, more sensitive and more appreciative person. I feel more alive now than I ever have before, perhaps because something so raw and so real happened that it awakened some kind of dormant energy. And though I wish things were so very different for all of us, I can't help but cherish the friends I've made and the incredible kindness that's been shown to me. I'm not sure that if Gabriel has lived, there ever would have come a time in my life that I would have known the kind of support and love that I've experienced during the past nine months. 

And for that support, I am grateful. 

To everyone who reads this blog, emails me on the 19th of each month, follows me on Facebook, writes Gabriel's name, thinks of him ever, or prays for me, I am so very grateful. Words cannot express how blessed I feel to know you.

I lost a huge piece of my heart. I will never watch my sweet little boy grow up. Sadly, I am a bereaved mother.

But because I have loving support and because I have found healing, I am still standing.

Loss Through the Looking Glass ~ A Resource for the Babyloss Community

I was recently given the opportunity to write about Gabriel and the work I do in his memory. My beautiful friend Clara and some of her friends have a shared blog, titled "Loss Through the Looking Glass" that includes many guest posts written by bereaved parents. It really is a wonderful resource for the babyloss community, filled with many heartfelt and honest stories. For those of you who don't follow it, I highly encourage you to do so.

Read my guest post
View the blog

Fittsie's Angels ~ How Babyloss Used To Be

I normally don't blog about other blogs because this is such a tight-knit community and sooner or later we stumble upon everyone else's blogs. I like that!

I take comfort in finding other babyloss mamas and sharing our stories and experiences with one another. I appreciate that we live in the year 2013 and our losses took place at a time when it's not only possible to talk openly about our babies, but it's easy and feels safe. I can come here any time, day or night, and write about anything I want and know that others will read it. When I feel alone, I can browse hundreds of blogs and websites and connect with others who share my feelings of grief and despair... others who understand.

Recently, I met Gale who shared her amazing blog, Fittsie's Angels, with me. What makes her blog unique (and so interesting) is that even though she just began blogging last year, she has been grieving for the past 37 years. Her losses occurred before I was born, before the Internet, before Blogger, before anyone spoke about babyloss. Gale suffered the loss of two babies during a time when grieving openly and publicly about stillbirth was not acceptable. All of the amazing organizations and ministries that exist today were not there to help her. All of the support and compassion we receive each day from one another did not exist for her. It did not exist for anyone. Hundreds of thousands of women and families were left alone to grieve silently.

They had to find a road to peace
all
by
themselves.

For me, that seems unimaginable. Actually, impossible.

It saddens me deeply, but I am also so grateful to these past generations, for the mistakes that were made are slowly being corrected today, so that we don't have to suffer alone and silently. I know that even today, babyloss is somewhat of a social taboo, but great steps have been taken. And we owe so much to those who walked this path before us. Those whose silent grief was studied and observed and over time was deemed the wrong way. Now, we know that things like holding your stillborn baby, making tangible memories, taking pictures, speaking their names, having a funeral, honoring their memories, going to support groups... are essential to healing.  

So many women and so many families were left feeling ashamed or abandoned. They were told by medical professionals to never speak of their babies. That it would be best for them to forget and move on. There are countless babyloss mamas out there who have no pictures of their children. They have no tangible keepsakes. They were not allowed to hold their babies. They lived during a time when doctors truly did believe that photos, keepsakes and bonding were detrimental to healing.

My great-grandmother lost two sons. My grandmother lost her son and daughter. My mother lost her daughter. I lost my son. Generations of woman after woman who lost their children, but I am the first who can say so out loud. I am the first to receive help and comfort outside the walls of my home.

I really find it so inspiring that after so many years, some babyloss mamas are finally speaking up. I think it's incredible that Gale has found the courage to write about her two precious children, after decades of being told that she never could. She is proof that nobody ever gets over the loss of their babies and that speaking about them is a vital part of healing.

Her generation has made way for so many improvements.

I hope that ours can do the same.

Merry Christmas Gabriel

For Christmas this year, we asked friends and family to commit random acts of kindness in memory of Gabriel. At first, I was saddened and a little disappointed because some of the people I assumed would participate chose not to. But then as I laid out all the cards and printed out each of the emails I realized that for every person who I  was expecting to participate but didn't, someone completely unexpected did. My heart was warmed by all of the wonderful people who committed and shared random acts of kindness in memory of my sweet boy. We read each one aloud as a family (me, my husband and my parents) and then commented on how beautiful and generous each act was.

I feel so blessed to be able to say that we received a lot of really lovely notes. Some people gave money or bought meals for the homeless, others helped friends or family, and some donated to charities like St. Jude's. One friend even decided to forgive her father and get in touch with him after several years of being estranged. Every act committed was so significant and it brought me so much comfort and joy to know that these good deeds were done because other people had been inspired by Gabriel to spread kindness. We are both so very grateful to everyone for thinking of our baby and making our Christmas special this year. 

My husband and I decided to also take part in Gabriel's Stocking Project. As our act of kindness we chose not to exchange gifts this year and instead donated to a few of the charities that have helped us or other babyloss parents. This was our little way of giving back to a community that has been so supportive. 

In Gabriel's memory, we donated to Faith’s Lodge because we hope that every parent who loses a child has the opportunity to find healing at a place as special as Faith's Lodge. In memory of Gabriel's great-grandfather, we donated to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep because we all know how valuable pictures of our angels are. In memory of Gabriel's aunt (my sister), we contributed to Molly Bears and in memory of the 20 children who lost their lives at Sandyhook Elementary, we made a donation to The Compassionate Friends. Lastly, in memory of all the babies who now dance with Gabriel in Heaven and who are so desperately missed here on Earth, we gave back to Project Sweet Peas, an organization that has provided us with comfort by making a memory box for Gabriel.

Though part of me feels so fortunate to have a son that has inspired extraordinary kindness this Christmas and to have friends and loved ones who care so much about Gabriel, there's a much (MUCH) greater part of me who wishes more than anything that Gabriel had been here instead. I can't help but look at the Christmas cards of families with babies and small children, and think that we should have had that this year also. We should have stood in front of our Christmas tree holding our new baby. We should have filled his stocking with baby toys and pacifiers. This should have been the happiest Christmas of our lives. Instead, Christmas this year was yet another reminder of how much potential has been lost, how many joyous moments will never be lived and how many precious memories will never be made. How truly so much has been stolen from us.

I wish on Christmas, we could all have our children back for just one day. I'd rather have him in my arms for a minute than receive all of the presents in the world. I look forward to the first Christmas I get to spend in Heaven with Gabriel, my sister and all the beautiful children waiting for us to join them around the most spectacular Christmas tree ever.

Merry Christmas Gabriel! I hope you had a beautiful Christmas in Heaven with Jesus and all your little friends.

You Are Always In My Heart

During the past few months I have been blessed to meet so many amazing people. I am so thankful for all of my BLM friends and feel especially grateful to those who have taken the time to send beautiful gifts in Gabriel's memory. I am constantly overwhelmed by the generosity and support that exists here in the BL community.

Today I'd like to send a heartfelt thanks to a very special BLM named Rhonda at You Are Always In My Heart, who sent me this beautiful handmade heart with Gabriel's name. As soon as I received it, I hung it on my window so I could take a picture of it in the sunlight. I just can't get over how lovely it is and how such a simple gesture has brought me so much joy.

I hope that everyone takes a moment to visit her website and read her heartbreaking and inspiring story. You can also view her beautiful gallery of hearts, and make a request if you would like a heart in memory of your baby(ies).

You are Always in my Heart

Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos)

Thursday night, we walked up the street to see the Altar of Innocents at the Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos) Festival here in San Pedro, California. If you've been following the STILL PROJECT, this event was featured on their Facebook page. 

The Altar of Innocents was beautifully decorated and was such a special tribute to all of our babies. But it was so heartbreaking to see so many butterflies, each of which had a baby's name written on it. Other BL parents even added their babies' names to the tree on the altar. Since we got there really late, there were no butterflies left, so we attached Gabriel's name to the gate where others had written notes to their deceased loved ones. 

I am so glad that our babies received a special altar at the festival. I think it helped to demonstrate that our babies are people too and that they are forever missed. 


The Altar of Innocents:

Capture Your Grief, Day 16: Release

Yesterday was our first October 15th. Last year at this time, I had no idea this day even existed. 

We wanted to do something special so at the last minute we decided to make the two hour trip down to San Diego for the Molly Bears 3rd Annual San Diego Remembrance Gathering.  

There were a lot of people who attended, mostly families but also some couples. Everyone got a purple balloon and  paper to write a note to their child to send up with the balloons. We all gathered in the middle of the park and released our balloons together just as the sun was setting. 

This event was such a special way to remember our babies and the release was a beautiful tribute to them.

La Jolla Shores was gorgeous and since we got there early, we had time to write Gabriel's name in the sand. We also went back to the shore after the balloon release because the sunset was spectacular! I haven't seen a pink sunset in so long. It was the perfect way to end the day. 

Capture Your Grief, Day 14: Community (Faith's Lodge)

I've been meaning to write about our trip to Faith's Lodge for awhile. If you're not familiar with Faith's Lodge, here is a brief description from their website:

"Faith's Lodge provides a place where parents and families facing the serious illness or death of a child can retreat to reflect on the past, renew strength for the present, and build hope for the future. In its North Woods setting, Faith's Lodge provides a peaceful escape for families to refresh their minds and spirits while spending time with others who understand what they are experiencing."

Faith's Lodge was established by Susan and Mark Lacek in memory of their baby girl, Faith, who died in June of 2000 from a cord accident. It is located on an 80 acre property in northern Wisconsin. Parents and families who have either lost a child in the past three years or who currently have a child with a serious illness may apply to stay there for up to five nights. There are different programs throughout the year, so that the week you attend, you will be among other couples or families who have faced a similar type of loss.

For example, we were there for the "infant loss" weekend of September 13-16, along with seven other couples who had all lost babies (either stillbirth or neonatal loss) in the past three years. We haven't had the chance to attend any events in the babyloss community yet, so this trip so far, has been our only experience with meeting a group of other BL parents.

Our group was diverse. Couples ranged from late teens to late 30's and losses occurred as early as 20 weeks GA to as late as 2 1/2 months old. All of our stories and situations were different and yet we were able to bond over our grief for the children we lost and our common devotion to keeping their memories alive.

During our time there, we spent a lot of time doing group activities such as painting heart-shaped rocks with our babies' names, decorating journals, making garden stones and painting birdhouses. We also had evening bonfires where we would gather, toast marshmallows and share stories.

We found comfort, support, and hope at Faith's Lodge. We got to be around people who understood how we felt, who wanted to hear about our son, and who didn't think we were crazy. It was nice to feel normal for a change.

The thing I liked most about Faith's Lodge was that we got to spend so much time honoring and remembering the children we've lost. It felt so healing to be able to talk about Gabriel and to work on crafts in his memory. The entire time, I felt like I was in a sacred place where babies and children are never forgotten.

The whole weekend was so much fun and it flew by so quickly. Nobody wanted to leave and go back to reality. I wish we could have stayed there forever, but in order for others to be able to go, we knew we had to leave.

Our time at Faith's Lodge lasted just a few days, but we hope to have made long-lasting friendships and to be able to hold onto beautiful memories for the rest of our lives.

If you ever get the chance to go, I highly recommend it.


Now for pictures... because it's impossible to describe just how breathtaking this place is!


The small heart-shaped rocks given to us to provide comfort during our group meeting. I'm using these as a representation of our group because I don't feel comfortable sharing pictures of other people.

Faith's Lodge:

   






The outside of Faith's Lodge:

We woke up early every morning to watch the magnificent sunrise over the lake. This is the view from our balcony:

Watching a beautiful sunrise from the bench swing in front of the lake. So peaceful!

8 dandelions to represent our 8 children:

Sophia's Bridge - where most people leave their children's rocks:

Standing on Sophia's Bridge

The garden stone we made in remembrance of Gabriel:

                                                                                                                                                                           

Corrado holding the sign he made during the mens' woodworking activity:

The angel statue garden where we left Gabriel's rock:

The heart-shaped rock we painted with Gabriel's name and birthdate

A tree in the forest at Faith's Lodge:

The steps leading down to the path in front of the lake: 

The table where we shared pictures of our babies:

The common room where we would talk and play board games:

Toasting marshmallows at the bonfire:

One last picture in front of Faith's Lodge, right before we left:

To learn more about Faith's Lodge, please visit their website: www.faithslodge.org

Finding Them at Angel's Gate

I feel like a lot of my BLM friends are having an especially difficult time recently. I guess it's true that grief comes in strides.

Lately, I have been doing okay, but I am bracing myself for tough times ahead. Gabriel's due date is right around the corner and I am already anxious because I'm anticipating a difficult day.

On October 3rd, the day Gabriel should have been placed in my arms breathing and screaming, I plan on going to the beach near my house to write names in the sand. I love this beach... the waves are calm, the shore is long and the sand is soft. Moreover, I recently found out that the nearby lighthouse at the end of the beach is called the "Angel's Gate Lighthouse."

They say this lighthouse has been built to endure the roughest storms and serves as a guide to traveling ships entering the harbor. 

This comforts me, inexplicably. 

I'm hoping that I can write the names of all of our babies on the shore and have enough time to photograph all of them before the tide washes them away. I think this will be a nice way to bring joy and comfort to us all, and will serve as a symbolic reminder that our babies are never too far from Angel's Gate. 

Prayers for strength and peace for all you BLMs struggling to cope. May you find your little ones at Angel's Gate someday...

If you would like your baby's name drawn in the sand, please make sure his/her name appears on my "Angel Birthdays" list as that is the list I will be bringing with me. 

A Special Gift

I'm not sure if everyone knows about Ethan's Flame, so I wanted to write about it. Ethan's Flame is a very special ministry started by BLM, Joy, in honor of her precious son, Ethan.

Joy will make you your own special candle with your baby's name and photo. There is also a very touching poem written on the back. 

I can't emphasize enough how amazing and beautiful this candle is. It is completely hand crafted and personalized. It comes with a flameless candle, and can stay lit all day long. 

I am truly impressed by Joy's talent and generosity! There are not enough words to say just how much this gift means to me. 

Please visit her website, read about Ethan, and request your own special candle. 

(Thanks Joy, from the bottom of my heart!)

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Forever Missed & Loved ~ Ethan Joseph

Pinwheels from Heaven

I wanted to write a post about BLM Shauna's blog/ministry, Pinwheels from Heaven, because what she does is just so incredible! I think her story is so inspiring and her dedication to the BL community is beautiful. I feel blessed to have met Shauna and wanted to share the pictures that she took for Gabriel. I love them and I think everyone can see why. Please visit her blog here when you get a chance, and read about her daughters and her ministry.

Please take a moment to remember Shauna's precious little ones, Janessa and Hope.