Lately, I have been doing okay, but I am bracing myself for tough times ahead. Gabriel's due date is right around the corner and I am already anxious because I'm anticipating a difficult day.
On October 3rd, the day Gabriel should have been placed in my arms breathing and screaming, I plan on going to the beach near my house to write names in the sand. I love this beach... the waves are calm, the shore is long and the sand is soft. Moreover, I recently found out that the nearby lighthouse at the end of the beach is called the "Angel's Gate Lighthouse."
They say this lighthouse has been built to endure the roughest storms and serves as a guide to traveling ships entering the harbor.
This comforts me, inexplicably.
I'm hoping that I can write the names of all of our babies on the shore and have enough time to photograph all of them before the tide washes them away. I think this will be a nice way to bring joy and comfort to us all, and will serve as a symbolic reminder that our babies are never too far from Angel's Gate.
Prayers for strength and peace for all you BLMs struggling to cope. May you find your little ones at Angel's Gate someday...
If you would like your baby's name drawn in the sand, please make sure his/her name appears on my "Angel Birthdays" list as that is the list I will be bringing with me.
((Hugs)) I think your idea for Gabriel's due date is a wonderful one. I will light a candle on that day in remembrance of his due date. <3
ReplyDeleteShauna, you are such a beautiful mama. It's truly amazing that a community born out of the greatest of losses, is filled with the most giving of people.
DeleteWhat a beautiful way to honor Gabriel on his due date!
ReplyDeleteI have found that the grief seems to come in waves, calm for a while, then crashing and threatening to drown me in a instant, then recessing for a bit before returning again, an endless cycle (though the calm stretches seem to get longer with time, and I find myself learning to be a stronger swimmer in the rough waves). My daughter's due date is so close to your son's. She was due October 1 of last year. While the day was certainly difficult and emotional, I did find the anticipation leading up to it to be worse than the actual day.
Prayers for you and your family, especially as October approaches.
Thank you so much for your kind words... I appreciate your comparison of grief and waves. You and Elena will be in my thoughts on the anniversary of her due date.
DeleteI think your idea for Gabriel's EDD is perfect! Just wonderful! Grief is definitely like waves. I even made a post about it once called 'Grief's Rolling tides - mourning a child' it hurts sometimes. And other times it's better <3
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your beautiful comment!
DeleteCatherine, thank you for all you are doing for all of us grieving mothers. This journey is a hard and difficult one, but I know that through the help of others on this journey and prayer we WILL make it through. I found my 16 month old daughter lifeless in her bed on April 6th of this year. I really didn't think I could make it through, but through other mothers like yourself and prayer and my family and friends I am taking each day as it comes. We found out a couple weeks ago that we are now pregnant with twins!! I know that my daughter Josalyn played a part in this amazing blessing! I wanted to let you know about another book too that you can add to your list that is one of the best books I have read. It is called Heaven is for Real. Truly amazing and inspiring! I encourage you all to check it out. I read it in one sitting! Also my church puts on a meeting every Wednesday night called Grief Share. It has really helped me a lot and I encourage you to check out to see if you some in your area. They also have daily emails you can sign up for that are very encouraging on their website.http://www.griefshare.org/ God bless all of you moms who are dealing with the loss of their precious children. You are always in my thoughts and prayers everyday! Sorry for the long post!
ReplyDeleteLaura
Laura -- I am so very heartbroken to read about your daughter...16 months is nowhere near enough time. Thank you for sharing her story with me. I will keep you and your twins in my prayers for a healthy pregnancy! I have actually read "Heaven is for Real", but because I read it before I became pregnant, I didn't think to add it to my book list here. Thank you for the suggestion of Grief Share.. I am always looking for local support groups!
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