It's strange how a certain date can feel like yesterday and also like a lifetime ago. Some days it almost feels like it was in a different lifetime, like I was a completely different person. Other days I remember it so clearly like it just happened, rather than a distant memory. Part of me wishes I could go back three years and cherish the few weeks I had with you. Part of me just wants to look ahead and be grateful for everything I have. The truth is I remember that day being scary and sad. I remember feeling helpless and hopeless. Now I feel stronger and happier. I have so much now and yet I will never forget the day I lost you, one of my precious children. I will never fully be able to move forward without you. I will never be able to forget you. I will never want to forget you or the hope you once brought me or the immense joy I experienced when I first learned that I was chosen to be your mama. I thought you were the answer to all my prayers. And in a way, you were. Your brother is the one who ultimately became the child I always wanted, but you my sweet Poppy are the child I never knew I wanted. The child who I will always cherish, always love, always wish I could know better. I will always be proud and feel blessed to be your mama.
Happy Birthday in Heaven sweet baby! You are deeply missed and treasured always!
