During the past three months since Gabriel's death, I have been hoping that his autopsy would reveal what caused the downward spiral that ultimately led to his death. I honestly thought that the autopsy report would bring me peace of mind and I was looking forward to receiving a little bit of closure, or at the very least some answers.
Gabriel was diagnosed prenatally with meconium peritonitis which is basically a spontaneous rupture of the intestines. Several perinatologists agreed with this diagnosis, but none of them could confirm with certainty. Several ultrasounds revealed that he also had extremely severe abdominal ascites, but again doctors could not explain why. Lastly, by 20 weeks gestation, he had lost almost all of his amniotic fluid, a complication known as oligohydramnios. This is what made his case fatal. Without fluid, his lungs could not develop, making oligohydramnios the trump card of his diagnosis.
Since four different perinatologists couldn't tell us what was wrong with our baby, we consented to an autopsy, in hopes that a pathologist could.
Our primary questions were:
What caused him to lose his amniotic fluid?
Was the prenatal diagnosis of M.P. correct?
What is the likelihood this will recur in subsequent pregnancies?
Unfortunately none of these questions were answered.
Instead, Gabriel was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease, which is a disorder of the intestines, characterized by an absence of ganglion nerve cells. H.D. symptoms in newborns include constipation, inability to pass meconium after birth, and abdominal distension. H.D. presents itself in 1 in 5000 live births, predominantly in males. It is not considered to be a fatal disease and in some cases it is so mild, it goes undiagnosed until later in life.
Most importantly, H.D. is not known to cause any issues prenatally and there is no link between H.D. and stillbirth. H.D. offers an explanation for the dilated intestines (seen on the ultrasound), but fails to explain the oligohydramnios and the ascites.
Basically the diagnosis of H.D. has led us to more questions instead of the answers we were hoping for. It is likely that we will never know why our son was taken from us. It could simply be the worst case of spontaneous bad luck ever, but since the autopsy results couldn't prove this one way or the other, we'll never know for sure. I suppose in the future, new research could tell us something, but I'm not holding my breath.
The doctor who delivered Gabriel has been an OB since the stone ages and he said that he has never even heard of a case like Gabriel's and that he doesn't see a reason why we can't have healthy babies. I guess this should make me feel better.
But it doesn't.
I still cannot envision giving birth to a healthy baby. I am still terrified at the thought of losing another baby. I still worry all the time even though I'm not even pregnant yet. I still wonder how I will survive the loss of another child.
And I still want to know why Gabriel died. Why did an innocent, helpless, beautiful baby have to die?
Babyloss...
Why???
