Prayers for the Rainbow Baby

Losing a baby is the most unbearable loss I can think of because it's the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

But I know that there is something worse and I can only imagine what it feels like. Disappointing and devastating to the 1 millionth degree -- is there a word for that?

I have recently found out that a friend of mine may lose her rainbow baby. The baby she deserves. The child that the universe owes her, in exchange for all that she has already lost and endured with beautiful grace and faith. It's just truly not fair. It feels so cruel that the Lord will not give her a healthy living child, when she so clearly would be an amazing mother.

After you suffer the unthinkable loss of a child, shouldn't you get a free pass? No other children should ever be taken from you. The whole point of a rainbow baby is that he or she is the one you get to keep. The one who grows up here on earth. The one who makes you laugh. The one you get to cuddle and kiss and play with. Those babies shouldn't be allowed to be anything but healthy and happy. They should be here on earth bringing joy to where it is needed most: the aching hearts of grieving parents.

I am so terribly saddened at my very core to learn that another rainbow baby may not survive. Just the thought of it causes my heart to break. I don't even know how to describe the sorrow because I am so confused and so upset. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I keep asking God to let this child stay here. I fear it is not in His plan, but I pray that He is compassionate and loving, and that this rainbow and all rainbows are given the gift of life here on earth.

Many prayers today for all mamas carrying precious rainbows, that the Lord will understand that we need them here more than He needs them there.

A Prayer for All Our Children

In the days and even weeks to follow Gabriel's death, I was too busy taking care of myself and my husband to think past our little home.

But now, nearly 7 weeks later, I am realizing more and more everyday that we are not alone. There are so many others who feel our pain, who feel our loss, who know what it feels like to live life with never ending heart ache.

Doesn't it just feel relentless at times?

I wish at least a hundred times everyday, that I wasn't a part of this. I wish that I was still that young girl who believed that bad things happened to other people... way way way over there (not here in "saved by the statistics land"). Instead, I feel like I have aged into a wise old woman overnight.

Ignorance and bliss have sailed out of my life, for good.

But I do feel grateful for so many things... for all the lessons I have learned, for the friends I have made, for the growth in my relationship with God, for the support that I have found, for the beauty that remains behind, for the sacred moment in time I had with Gabriel.

In the end, I know I'll be a better person. If not from the lessons, then for my son. I think he has saved me in so many ways. I want to move towards Heaven through my day-to-day life here on earth. I want to grow towards God, so that I can be with Him and Gabriel one day, and so that when that day comes, my son will be proud of me. I desperately want to find the meaning my life was destined to have.

I just know that other BL mommies must feel the same way. And how my heart hurts for all of them, all of you.

I thought it would be nice to say a prayer for our children. I've been meaning to write one for awhile and since I've been reflecting on God and the BL community recently, I thought today would be the right time.

For all of our angel babies...

Father, 
Your children here on earth feel such longing for their babies up in Heaven.
There are so few comforts that can ease their pain.
Some need strength, some need faith, some need understanding.
But what every parent wants most, is the knowledge that their child is leading the happiest and fullest life possible. 
I pray that all babies who have left their mother's arms for your Glory, have found eternal life at your feet.
I pray that they are in a place safe from pain and fear.
I pray that they know your Heavenly love, as well as, the love that fills their parents' hearts.
Lord, give them everything they need and deprive them of nothing they could ever want.
Provide them with an abundance of compassion, joy, and warmth.
May their laughter fill every corner of your Heavenly home.
May their lives be touched by radiant beauty and the everlasting peace that only You can provide.
And may their spirits continually send us messages of hope for an eternal future together. 
Amen.