Gabriel's 1st Birthday

As most of you know, yesterday was Gabriel's 1st birthday. I'm still in disbelief that a whole year has passed already. I hate to use cliches but it really does feel like it was just yesterday that I was laying in the hospital bed preparing to give birth to him. It feels so strange to think that if Gabriel had survived, I'd have a 1 year old baby today. It's difficult to even imagine what that would be like and how different my life would be. But even though he couldn't be here, we wanted to make the day as beautiful and joyous as possible.

Thank you RaeAnne

Since this was his 1st birthday, I really wanted it to be extra special and a day to start new traditions. I didn't want to spend the day being sad or missing him. Instead, I wanted it to be all about Gabriel and celebrating his precious life and I think for the most part it was. The entire day was very peaceful and beautiful and we were able to do everything that we had planned.

The most important thing was getting his birthday video uploaded to YouTube on time. For the past few months, we've been working on a video using photos that we've been taking to symbolize Gabriel's life and legacy. I haven't been keeping track of how much time we've spent, but my guess is that it took us about 100 hours, maybe a bit more if you count the photos that were taken but not included in the final video. Needless to say we've been working really hard the past few weeks to make sure it would be finished by Gabriel's birthday. That's been our goal all along and though that seemed reasonable three months ago, it definitely became very challenging towards the end.

I stayed up late on Thursday night to finish editing the video and uploaded it to YouTube before I went to bed. When I woke up yesterday morning it was ready to share. I was so happy to be able to successfully share the video on the morning of his birthday. (You can read more about it and watch it here if you'd like.)

The other thing we had to do yesterday morning was to finish his cake. We decided we wanted to decorate his cake to look like a beach and then "write" his name in the sand. I thought making an angel food cake would be a cute tradition to start, so that's officially become the cake we'll be making each year for Gabriel's birthday. The top of the cake is decorated with lots of frosting, as well as cookies, whipped cream, graham cracker crumbs, brown sugar and white sugar. My husband, being the chef in the family, ended up doing most of the work and I think he did such a good job, especially with the little decorations.

After finishing the cake, we walked to our local diner and had breakfast. Another tradition I wanted to start this year was to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, because that's what I was preparing the morning I went into labor with Gabriel. I didn't get a chance to actually eat breakfast that morning but for some reason bacon and eggs is the one meal that reminds me of Gabriel the most. Even though my husband doesn't really like bacon (I know he's weird) and even though I'm not really supposed to be eating it, we both agreed that it was must-do for Gabriel's birthday. 

After breakfast, we went to buy his birthday balloons. We decided to release them at the Korean Bell of Friendship here in San Pedro, which looking back, probably wasn't the best location to choose. It's always really windy there because it's located on a hill overlooking the ocean. It was a struggle to hold onto the balloons but I really wanted to wait to release them at precisely 2:11 so they would be flying at the exact time that Gabriel was born. Waiting totally paid off! Right before we released the balloons, a huge flock of 20 or so pelicans soared by in the background. It was so special that they flew by at just the right time. 

On the way home, we stopped at the church to visit Gabriel's memorial candle. We haven't been in awhile, so it was really nice to be able to go to just pause for awhile and reflect back on the day of his birth. 

After that, we went home because we both desperately needed to take a nap before going to the beach for the evening. The one thing that I absolutely had to do yesterday was watch the sunset at the beach. I was really hoping for a cloudless evening, but as usual there were storm clouds over the horizon. We were able to take a picture of his name in the sand just as the sun was peeking out from underneath the clouds. And just as the sun was setting beneath the horizon, it turned a glorious bright red. It was spectacular to watch, but not especially easy to photograph.

Just like the past year, the day went by so quickly! I'm grateful that I was able to spend the entire day with my husband celebrating our beautiful little boy and to have friends and family who thought of him as well. 

Thank you to everyone who remembered Gabriel's birthday yesterday and for all the lovely comments and photos. 

Thank you Shauna