May 15, 2012: If somehow I had the power to change one day of my life, I would choose this one.
On this day, one year ago, the doctor walks into the exam room with a smile on her face instead of that unmistakable look of someone about to deliver bad news. She introduces herself and asks us why we've come to see her. We explain that another doctor has found several complications and that he's concerned about our baby. Despite the panic in our voices, the doctor doesn't seem worried. As she performs the ultrasound, the image of our baby appears on the screen in front of us. The doctor points to our baby's beating heart and says that his heartbeat is strong and healthy. She measures the baby's bones and they are the length they should be. She assesses the level of amniotic fluid and says that it's exactly the level it's supposed to be. She checks the baby's abdomen and doesn't find any complications. Miraculously, our baby isn't sick after all. She explains that whatever the other doctor saw yesterday must have corrected itself overnight. We are so relieved. Our hearts are filled with joy. We are okay because our baby is okay. Instead of feeling heartbreakingly unlucky, we feel unbelievably blessed. Instead of receiving the most devastating news, we receive the incredible gift of a healthy baby. Instead of losing everything, we're able to reach out and grab onto a lifetime of dreams.
I remember what my father in law said the afternoon of our first ultrasound indicating trouble. "You just wait, in a year his will be just a blip on the radar. Everything will be fine."
ReplyDeleteAt the time I was upset, because I was worried and I wanted him to I understand that. But now... I wish that his denial and optimism had been true. So much. I just wish it so much.
That last sentence gives me chills. I'm in a very reflective mood this week, facing y boy's third anniversary. Three years, can it really be possible? It's hard to grasp these realities sometimes. I understand. Thinking of you and sending love Catherine.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie. I think we all play these alternate realities out in our minds. It's hard not to. Sending lots of love x
ReplyDeleteThis post gave me the chills. I've dreamed the same senario so many times. Thank you for posting it is such a beautiful way.... <3
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