Embracing 2013

No matter what happens this year, I resolve to do my best to fill the next 12 months with priceless memories, meaningful relationships, dreams, hope, love and beauty, and to work on the goals I have in mind.

I want 2013 to be everything 2012 could have been (should have been), and I pray that God grants me a year of healing instead of another year of loss. This year I will keep Gabriel's memory alive by speaking his name, sharing his story, and doing whatever I can to offer support to the babyloss community. But I will also honor his life by learning from it, by gaining courage from it, and by living my life to the fullest despite missing such a significant piece of my heart.

I feel like my life became unraveled and sort of fell apart after Gabriel died. I hope 2013 brings me the strength and tools to put it back together. I hope that my 2013 journey includes more grieving and healing, and less hurting and regretting. I hope that I can truly and fully give my burdens to the Lord and allow Him to help me find happiness and peace.

Yesterday, I made a list of my 2013 new year's resolutions. It's not so different than my list of 2012 resolutions. Some I accomplished last year, though not in the way I had planned (so they're back on the list); others I didn't even begin working on. Having a baby was something I wanted to do in 2012. I did have a baby, but I don't know if Gabriel counts. Not that he isn't my baby. He is and always will be my firstborn child, but I feel as though I've failed us both in fulfilling that resolution. I've always wanted 2 or 3 (living) children, and instead I have 1 angel and an overwhelming inability to even envision having a healthy baby.

I suppose this would be a good time to add "Being Positive" to my list of 2013 new year's resolutions.

That brings the total number of resolutions to 12.

12 resolutions, 12 months.

At least on paper it sounds good :)

The sky on January 1, 2013 -- seeing the bright blue sky reminded me to start the new year with hope!