When I imagine you now, I see you playing soccer with your dad, learning your ABCs in preschool, coming home and asking millions of questions about how the world works. I think about all of the conversations we would be having and what kind of brother you would be to Louis. Sometimes I try to conjure up an image of a four year old version of you. I picture your round face, your bright smile, and all the little things about you that make you unique and special.
I think about all the different people you could have been. And I wonder if I'll ever know the real you or if I'll ever truly be able to understand just how immense this loss is. Will I ever really know how much I am missing? Will there ever be a time when I have all the answers that I've been seeking for so long?
Four.
Some may say that four years is a considerable passage of time. That everything and anything can change in four years. Others may say that it's barely a season. That it's merely a blink in time. But me... Well, I know only what you have taught me.
That love cannot be measured in time. That true love has no borders. That ultimately, my love for you can never end, but only grow stronger and deeper.
Happy 4th birthday baby boy! I live in a beautiful world because four years ago, I was so very blessed to cross paths with your sweet soul.
I think about all the different people you could have been. And I wonder if I'll ever know the real you or if I'll ever truly be able to understand just how immense this loss is. Will I ever really know how much I am missing? Will there ever be a time when I have all the answers that I've been seeking for so long?
Four.
Some may say that four years is a considerable passage of time. That everything and anything can change in four years. Others may say that it's barely a season. That it's merely a blink in time. But me... Well, I know only what you have taught me.
That love cannot be measured in time. That true love has no borders. That ultimately, my love for you can never end, but only grow stronger and deeper.
Happy 4th birthday baby boy! I live in a beautiful world because four years ago, I was so very blessed to cross paths with your sweet soul.
You are so very loved. So very treasured. So very missed.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know your heart is broken. God bless you all.
ReplyDeleteI hardly ever come to the blogosphere anymore, but I am so happy/sad to read this post from you today and 'hear' your voice again. It reminds me of all my own longing. My own little boy would be five this year. Five. It's staggering and, as you so aptly capture, opaque and mysterious. Who would he be?
ReplyDeleteThanks for continuing to write, however sporadically.
Happy (belated) Birthday sweet Gabriel. You are so loved and missed.
Wishing you and your family peace and light always.