Monday, January 6, 2014

I Will Always Wonder

Was it my fault?

Was it something I ate?

Something I did?

Something I failed to do?

Is it because I didn't take my vitamins everyday?

Or because I waited too long to start taking baby aspirin?

Should I have demanded more blood work and prenatal testing?

Should I have gone to a different doctor?

If I had, would it have even mattered?

Was it that I complained about having morning sickness?

Or that I breathed a tiny sigh of relief after the first ultrasound?

Could I have done something, anything, to have prevented this loss?

If I had made a different choice at some point, would it have made all the difference?

Could her death have been prevented?

Could I have prevented it?

Did my body fail to keep her safe?

Or was she just too fragile to survive?

What happened?

Why her?

Why me?

Why us?

Why?


4 comments:

  1. ((Hugs)) The unanswered "why's" are so hard. You're in my thoughts and prayers <3

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  2. I promise that all those questions won't always be accompanied by this much pain. You were and are a wonderful mama to both your babies.Thinking of you, Gabriel and Poppy. xo

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  3. I am so deeply sorry to learn of your loss of Poppy. I had no idea you were pregnant until yesterday when Shauna did her post. What a sad loss. You are definitely in my thoughts & prayers.
    Hugs,
    Gale

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  4. Oh my dear. I am so very sorry. Such painful words to read. I still ask myself these questions occasionally but less frequently as the years pass. I know that this post is a few months old now but I am keeping you, Gabriel and Poppy in my thoughts this evening xo

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