Dear Rainbow

My Child,

I have been thinking a lot about you recently so I thought I'd write you a letter which I hope you will be able to read one day. Some may say that it's strange or even a little crazy to write to someone who doesn't even exist yet. But I want you to know that before anyone else could see you, before anyone knew your name, I could feel you growing and stirring in my heart. I've held you in my heart for so long and I think about you everyday, always imagining how beautiful life will be once you are here with us.  

If you ever get to read this, I hope you already know there is nothing in the world I would rather have than you. I hope you know how truly loved you are and that my love for you was born long before you were. I hope you know that I'm proud of you. That I'm eternally grateful for you. That you are the greatest blessing, the answer to countless prayers, the light of my life. That there is no one else like you. That no one could ever take your place in my heart or our home. But most importantly, I hope you know that I feel so very lucky to be your mother. 

If there ever comes a day when you question my love for you, I hope that you'll read this and realize there is nobody I could love the way I love you. I know there will be times when it will be difficult for you to see that everything I do, I do for you. But I hope that some day you will understand that all I want is for you to be safe and happy. I want you to have an amazing life. The life that I dreamed you could have. The life that I begged God to give you.

Not a single day has gone by that I've forgotten to remind God how much I desperately want you. How much I want to share my life with you. How much I want to teach you to walk. How much I want to see you spread your wings and fly. 

Whether you show up in a month, a year or a decade, I will never give up on the dream of having you. I will never stop longing for you. I will never lose faith that one day you will be here with us. And even if that takes a lifetime, I want you to know that you, sweet child, were worth the wait. And you were worth trying so hard to have, because in the end, my life and our family could never have been complete without you. 

I'm so sorry that you're not here yet. I'm so sorry that it's taking so long for you to arrive. Every day I live without you, you are so very missed. But know that never for a moment are you absent from my heart. You are my child now and always and even if I never know what you look like or get to hold you in my arms... unconditionally, I will always love you.

Please come be with us soon, little one.

Love, 

Your Mommy