Yesterday, the teacher said something about it being the 5th week of classes already and my first thought was that I haven't blogged about school yet.
For those of you who are new here, I've decided to go back to school to become a sonographer in Gabriel's memory.
Things were a little bumpy and confusing at first, but I think I've mostly got it figured out now. I'm taking my first class (Computers) and so far, it's going well. It's pretty (I mean extremely) easy, the teacher is nice and I'm not the oldest student :)
On March 21st (would greatly appreciate some reminders closer to the date), I have to attend an information workshop to learn more about the requirements of the Diagnostic Sonography major. Hopefully, all unanswered questions will be answered and I'll be able to plan out the remainder of my classes. Yay!
Starting school was one of my goals for 2013. I'm so happy (and relieved) to have taken this first step. I'm starting to realize that this is something I can actually do and that if I just keep moving forward, it won't even be that difficult. My only regret is that I wish I had thought of this sooner (and by sooner I mean 10 years ago), but then again, another part of me feels like the timing is just right. I need to do this to heal. I need to do this to keep Gabriel alive. I need to do this so that I'm doing something. I need to feel like I'm living life to the fullest, that I'm pursuing dreams, that I'm not letting his death constantly overshadow his life. I need to keep setting goals and reaching them, no matter how small or big they are.
Because I do want to change. And I do want to grow. I want to be a better person and that doesn't just miraculously happen overnight. Self-improvement take years of reaching goals, completing tasks, changing habits, breaking down barriers, and abandoning comfort zones. I'll never be the person who I want to be if I just keep complaining, feeling sorry for myself, dwelling on what I don't have, and envying others for what they do have.
I have to say that it fills me with peace and tremendous hope to envision my life in 5 years. I've had a lot of 5-year plans, but this is one that I'm going to stick to. Day by day, class by class, step by step. This is something I know I can and will accomplish.
Lastly, I'd just like to thank everyone who has supported my dream by ordering a photograph at the Sacred Seashore or by sharing it with others. I can't express how grateful I am for your love and support. Without you, this dream wouldn't and couldn't be quite as meaningful.
That is so amazing. I am so happy for you. Really really so happy. It's a beautiful thing.
ReplyDeleteOh wow! What a beautiful way to honour Gabriel. I've often thought of a career change since losing my son. I especially relate to this: 'I need to feel like I'm living life to the fullest, that I'm pursuing dreams, that I'm not letting his death constantly overshadow his life'...So beautiful and so true. I'll be eagerly reading for updates on how it all goes.
ReplyDeleteI think what you are doing by going back to school to be able to do sonograms! It is a fantastic idea! Who better than you? I have hesitated to ask for you to do anything for me at The Sacred Seashore b/c I know you are so busy. In my mind, I have thought that I should leave it for the newly bereaved. I've lived this long without building a memory box. I've changed my mind. My husband and i are fixing memory boxes and framing pictures of our children's names written down so our Rainbows and grandchildren won't be silent. More than anything I want a flower for James Collins, Jr and for Reita Gale because they were born in May when the flowers here in NC were blooming. I so wanted to put them in their carriage and show them the flowers! I keep watching for you to open that sight again. Your school is so important. God bless you and give you the time and strength to get it all done.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))) Gale